


Marred Beauty

by Cumberbatch Critter (ivelostmyspectacles)



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-15 14:48:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2232954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivelostmyspectacles/pseuds/Cumberbatch%20Critter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec has scars.</p><p>He thinks that they're not important.<br/>Magnus calls them battle scars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Marred Beauty

**Author's Note:**

> Rated M for triggers. 
> 
> Purposefully vague to avoid story spoilers, but trigger warning.

Magnus grinned, hooking his foot around Alec's ankle. He gripped his shoulders tightly, catching him as he fell against his chest, and rolled over, pressing Alec into the mattress.

"Woah!"

Magnus pursed his lips, analyzing his boyfriend for a moment. Dilated pupils, accelerated breathing, skin slick with sweat and hair a tousled mess against the cream-coloured pillowcase. He looked good. Very good.

"That's not fair," Alec muttered, pinching his side.

Magnus jerked and bit his cheek against the laughter that threatened him. "No _tickling_ ," he retorted as vehemently as he could, reaching up to grab Alec's wrists and pinning them to the bed above his head. "I don't like being tickled."

Alec grinned up at him. Magnus knew what he was thinking - _but I like the noises you make when I tickle you!_ \- and leaned down to press his mouth against Alec's before he could say it. He bit at his lips, sliding his knee up Alec's leg, tightening his grip around his wrists.

Alec was out of breath when Magnus pulled away, so instead of capturing his mouth again, he moved up, pressing his lips against his cheek and his nose and his eyelids, nuzzling his face into Alec's soft hair. He rolled his hips against Alec's, drawing out a soft gasp from Alec's lips. He did it again.

_"Magnus."_

"Oh, that's good," Magnus breathed against his hair. "Say that again."

"S-Shut up."

He was about to turn his face away from Alec's hair and plunge back against his mouth when the light cast from the lamp next to the bed caught off of Alec's skin, something Magnus hadn't ever noticed capturing his attention now.

Near one of the dark, captivating Marks embedded onto Alec's skin, just edging out from where Magnus's thumb pressed over the pulse point in Alec's wrist, were silvery scars. He'd seen scars before, especially on Alec and on the Shadowhunters associated with him, but these were different. These were familiar, and not in the way that scars from Marks should have been.

Magnus shifted his grip on Alec's wrist, moving his fingers away from the scars. He pulled Alec's wrist up to eye level.

"Magnus?" Alec's voice was breathless, and needy, buried deep in lust and desire that showed through his tone.

Magnus wasn't listening. He was wholly focussed on the silvery patterns on Alec's wrist. He looked at the other one, eyes narrowing.

"Mags?" Alec asked impatiently. "What are you-" He broke off. "Oh." His voice changed; he was silent for a moment before pulling his arms free of Magnus's grip.

Magnus frowned, sitting back on Alec's legs. Those were intentional. Those scars came from intentional wounds. Magnus had seen them before, on his mother's wrist, before she had committed suicide. He hadn't understood them then, but he knew the painful truth behind them now.

His heart thudding almost painfully in his chest, Magnus stared at the wall behind the headboard. How had he not noticed this? How had he never known about this? Out of everyone, out of everybody that Alec was friends with, shouldn't _he_ know? Him and Jace, they were the two people that knew Alec the best. And Magnus hadn't known, and if Jace had, he hadn't decided to share the information.

"... They're not recent," Alec muttered. "... If it helps."

Magnus sucked in a deep breath, turning his gaze down to look at Alec. "Alexander..."

Alec sat up, dislodging Magnus from his legs. Magnus shifted off onto the mattress, folding his legs underneath himself.

"They're not recent," Alec repeated, plucking at a loose thread on one of the blankets. "They're from a couple years ago."

Magnus opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again, struggling to find the words. Centuries could only give so many pointers. "Why?" he eventually settled on.

Alec turned his head away. "You know, I really hate that question."

"I'm sorry," Magnus said numbly.

"It's like... I don't even know _why_ it pisses me off so much."

"I'm sorry," Magnus repeated.

"Stop saying that," Alec snapped. "It's not your fault. It was a few years ago. I wasn't out... I was still struggling with the whole gay-in-the-Clave thing. I was a mess and we had _iratzes_ , so it wasn't like anyone else ever found out. Shadowhunters always have scars, and no one paid enough attention to me to see the ones on my wrists. No one was ever that close."

Magnus swallowed, leaning back a bit. "So, no one knew." He blew out a breath and closed his eyes. "I'm _so_ s-"

"Jace and Isabelle found out eventually," Alec interrupted. "Jace figured out that the pain he was feeling wasn't because I was in a fight and Isabelle walked in on me carving an _iratze_ into my arm one time after I'd hurt myself. She bellowed me to tears and stayed with me the entire night. Then she told Jace and he laid into me and then they helped me through it." Alec shrugged. "... I didn't want to kill myself. Not really. I was just... it helped. Pain cleared away all of that, you know."

Magnus didn't really know, but he didn't say that out loud. He did make a mental note to thank Isabelle and Jace, though. He realized that this had happened even before he had known Alec, but... that didn't make it any better.

"I'm good now, Magnus," Alec said, looking up. "Really."

Magnus smiled waveringly. "That's good. I'm glad."

"It's because of you, you know," Alec murmured. "If it wasn't for you... I'd still be in that murky place that I was in when you first met me. You've... ah. This is really stupid. But... you lit up my life, Magnus."

Magnus felt his lips twist into a much more genuine smile. "Aw."

Alec wrinkled his nose. "Shut up." He looked away again. "But... thanks. And I know that I should have told you, but I never knew how to bring it up-"

Magnus leaned forward to kiss him.

Alec's eyes widened slightly but he kissed him back, slowly at first and then with building passion. It was like a muted version of the kiss that had led them to the bedroom in the first place, but Magnus found he enjoyed it a lot more.

"You should have told me," Magnus agreed quietly, "but I know now."

"Sorry," Alec murmured. "It was never the right time. I never thought it was really relevant..."

Magnus reached up, cupping Alec's face gently. "Everything about you is relevant," he said.

Alec smiled faintly, although the faint pink of a blush was starting to show on his cheeks again. Magnus loved his bashfulness, but now it made his heart ache to think that it was conditioned, battered into him by the Clave that being gay was intolerable.

"Never forget that," Magnus murmured, kissing his lips again. He tilted his head up and kissed the tip of Alec's nose. "And promise me something." He took Alec's hands in his own again.

"What's that?"

"If you ever... for whatever reason," he murmured, kissing the back of Alec's hand, "have a bad day, don't hide it from me. Because-" He kissed the opposite hand. "- I want to help. I want to listen. I want to share your problems. Even if it's only the limited edition pantsuit selling out at the mall, I want to hear about it."

Alec laughed quietly. "That would be a travesty for you, not me."

Magnus smiled. "All the same," he said. He raised Alec's hands, ducking his head to press his lips softly against the near-faded scars on Alec's wrist. "I want... _every_ part of you, Alexander. Not just the good parts. The bad parts, too. I want to be there to help fight your battles." He kissed the other scars.

When he raised his head again, Alec's face was red. "What am I supposed to say to something like that?" he muttered, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed.

"I love you."

Alec's eyebrows furrowed, slightly. "Are you telling me that or are you saying that _I_ should tell that to you?"

Magnus raised his eyebrows. "Does it matter?"

Alec stared at him for a moment. "... No," he said softly, leaning forward against Magnus's chest.

"No," Magnus agreed, wrapping his arms around him securely. They fit together, perfectly, like they were a key to a lock, two pieces of a puzzle. Magnus wasn't going to let anything happen to his other half.

"... I love you, too," Alec muttered, against his chest.

Magnus smiled and rest his chin on the top of Alec's head, closing his eyes.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Don't know why the idea struck me, but I decided to write it. Shadowhunters always have scars, but what if some of them were intentional?
> 
> I do not own _The Mortal Instruments_. Cassandra Clare does.  
>  Thanks for reading!


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